This post is going to be a little bit different than others I've posted. It's going to go into my beliefs. Please respect that these are my beliefs, even if you completely disagree. It's ok for you to disagree. That's the beauty of this world...we all get to believe whatever we feel is best.
This is a topic that I've thought about a lot lately: Healing. There are a multitude of reasons I've been thinking about healing. A couple posts on Facebook started me thinking about it and then spending the summer sick added another layer. I think I'm finally ready to delve into this topic. In order to do so, I need to explain a few of my beliefs.
1. I believe that the atonement of Jesus Christ has the power to heal all of us perfectly.
2. I don't believe God will heal all of us in this life, despite His ability to do so.
3. I believe that after we die, all of our physical ailments will go away with our bodies, but we will continue to exist as spirits.
4. I believe that the resurrection promised in the New Testament is a literal event that will occur. Some day all of our spirits will inhabit perfect, eternal bodies. This is
regardless of our actions in this life. It's universal to all children of God (meaning all humans).
5. I don't believe that God plans all of our suffering out, that not every trial is sent from Him. I think it's more like Him playing a giant chess game. He is the master chess player and can see what's coming down the line and allows certain things to happen in our lives for reasons that are incomprehensible to us most of the time. He knows the end game, but he doesn't cause all our suffering.
6. Being the ultimate chess master, God will bring things and people into our lives at opportune moments to help us through the difficult times.
So what does all of that have to do with healing? Well, this summer I saw two Facebook posts within days of each other that were polar opposites. One was a woman who insisted that all depression could be healed in this life. Another was a person who was afraid the depression would never end, even after we died we'd have to suffer forever. Both of these posts made me sad because I don't believe either of them are true and the idea that people will be hurt from these beliefs is hard.
I am a firm believer that God does not and will not heal all of us. I am a firm believer that some of us have our "cross" to bear. The Apostle Paul complained of an ailment that wouldn't go away. He was super amazing and literally saw Jesus, but he couldn't be healed. It was his cross to bear.
A few years ago I was miserable. My bipolar disorder seemed like a very, very heavy cross. I would have given anything for it to be taken away. Repeatedly I felt impressed that I would NOT have my bipolar disorder taken away. That I would be bipolar until the day I die. This means I will have depression episodes. This means I will have hypomanic episodes. I will probably also have anxiety and mixed episodes as well. This is my cross to bear.
Does that mean God has done and will do nothing for me?
Nope! Not even close.
Last year I was lead to the right doctor who was able to recognize where I was at and put me on a medicine that has helped me be mostly stable for over a year. That's the longest I've been mostly stable since I was a child. I consider this to be God
helping me and giving me temporary healing. As a clergy member once told me, medicine is a gift from God.
God has also brought people into my life who could help me in other ways.
My brother in law was my mentor and life coach last year. His efforts in my life helped me believe in myself and were a big reason I decided to do the Year of Happiness. I am a happier person because of his kindness. I grew so much under his tutelage and feel like I have skills to help myself that I would never have obtained (or at least not anytime soon) otherwise.
I also found the most perfect (for me) counselor in the world. I feel like I'm almost a different person than I was before I started working with her. I found her and went to her as a direct result of inspiration from God. I was NOT going to go to a counselor in my city. I wanted a counselor close to school so I could drop in without it messing with my school schedule. God shut doors left and right as I tried to find a counselor in the Valley. No one accepted my insurance or they didn't meet my needs. I was about ready to give up and went to my counselor as a last resort (it's not because she had a bad reputation or anything. I just knew her from another place and thought it would be awkward. Plus my husband went to her and I thought that might be awkward. But mostly she wasn't in the Valley like I was so sure I needed). God knew better than me and opened the doors for me to find my counselor. I have released things that were holding me back and healed in ways I didn't think were possible because of this woman who was sent from God.
On top of all of that, I've done a lot of inspired self-growth this last year. Though my own efforts to help myself, I have discovered things about me that help me be happier. A Year of Happiness is truly what this year has been and will continue to be.
So God has "healed" me, even though He hasn't healed me.
The good news is I know I have an end-date. I will not be bipolar for eternity. When I die, the physical component of it, the chemicals that mess with my head, will go away. I will be free from all the ailments of this world, including my bipolar disorder. Just because it's a "mental health" disorder, doesn't mean it's not physical. Chemicals are what treat it, after all. The idea of an end point is freeing. Very freeing. I don't know when I'll die and I have no desire to do it any time soon (see, I'm doing ok). But the day will come that I will die and when I do, my disorder will go away.
Now, this doesn't mean that everything is going to magically be perfect. When we die, we carry with us our personalities, our habits, and our behaviors. This means if I don't counter the lies that my brain tells me all the time, I might die and still feel like a failure at first. The chemicals will be gone, but my thoughts are still there.
The good news is two-fold.
First, we're granted a time to sort all of that out without our physical bodies getting in the way. It'll be like being on the best depression medicine. I'll still have the same thought patterns, but the chemicals won't be there to back up the thoughts. I can sort through things so much easier and actually figure out the truth.
Second, the atonement of Jesus Christ is big enough for all of this. All of it. When He heals us, which He will at some point before (or maybe during) our resurrection, it will ALL be made right. I don't know how it works, but I feel the truth of this strongly. All of our hurts and pains and sorrows will be healed. My soul aches for that day. I've had small tastes of it in my life and cannot wait to be inundated with that love and healing. We will spend eternity without these things holding us back. There will be peace.
God will heal all of us. I know it's true as much as I know anything is true. The atonement of Jesus Christ will take our pains and sorrows caused by mortality away and make us whole. While He won't remove the consequences of our actions, He will heal us from everything else. And if we repent, He'll heal us from our sins as well. He will balance everything out and make it right.
One of my favorite scriptures is found in the Book of Mormon. It says "I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for he hath redeemed my soul" (2 Nephi 33:6). I truly glory in MY Jesus. I'm grateful for Him and love Him. I cannot wait for the day I can see Him in the flesh and be healed.
~Beans
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