Breaking Stigmas

I just had an interesting conversation about depression with a friend. It was one of those not so good interesting conversations. He started by saying people with depression should do more to get themselves out of it. I explained that sometimes people were just doing the best they could to hang on and doing more to get out of it wasn't an option. He then took the "I was depressed once and I didn't have to use medicine and I got out of it fine" approach. I very carefully stated that not everyone can do that. This friend somehow had missed all the conversations I'd had with people about my mental illness because he still didn't realize that the some people I'm talking about include myself. Finally, after listening to a little bit more I couldn't take it anymore and I admitted that I spent all of Christmas break (and into the semester) depressed. My medicine search is still in process and I've spent the last couple months having a hard time getting out of bed every morning, much less doing things like homework. Once he realized that he was judging me with his statements his tune changed and he was supportive (to an extent--he still didn't get it).

It makes me wonder how often this situation occurs. People judge those with mental illnesses because they don't understand them only to later learn their harsh words were directed toward those know and care about. Unfortunately this happens too often. My own mom was very upset the day I told her I was struggling from depression. She had this idea that being depressed meant I was doing something wrong. It was my fault. Part of me was actually relieved that when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I didn't have to tell her. How horrible is that--being glad my mom was dead so I don't have to face her with my illness?!?! The sad thing is my mom knew depression. She experienced it often. That judgement that she sent my way the day I told her I was struggling with depression back when I was 18 is the same judgement she sent herself every day she dealt with depression. Our society still has deep stigmas about mental illnesses, whether we like it or not, and those stigmas are hurting people.

After the conversation ended and my friend left, a lady who was nearby and overheard the conversation told me she thought I was awesome, that she didn't know how I do what I do while dealing with mental illnesses, and that someone has to be the spokesperson. I responded honestly. I don't know how I've made it as far as I have considering my depression and hypomanic periods. I also agree, someone has to be the spokesperson. Better yet, we need spokespeople. We need more people like me who are willing to say "No, you're wrong. Mental Illnesses are REAL diseases that can be classified next to things like diabetes and heart disease. You wouldn't judge me if I told you I had to take insulin. Don't judge me because I have to take a mood stabilizer."

I'm lucky. I *mostly* have supportive friends and family. I am surrounded by people who care. This makes it easier for me to stand up and say "hey! I'm bipolar! Like sucks right now because I'm struggling with a bad depression. I'm doing the best I can but it might not be what you think is good enough." But I feel really bad for so many people out there with my disorder and disorders like it, the ones who don't have the support I have. That's why I need to talk about the disorder. I have to be the one who says these things because I can without it hurting me too badly. I might lose a friend or two, but I have a solid support system who will stand by me even though I'm definitely not perfect. Stigmas will only change if we change them. That's why I'm sharing my guts with you. Not because it's easy, but because it needs to happen and I can be part of that change.

Here's the cool thing: you can be part of the change too. It's really simple actually. Be patient with people who have mental health disorders. Try to be understanding. And accept them for who they are. You do those things and you are a part of the change. It's that easy.

And if you're one of the many of us with a disorder but don't feel comfortable sharing your story, I understand that too. Just be careful to not jump on the wagon my mom rode on and think the disorders are a sign of weakness. You are a wonderful person. Sure, you may not be perfect, but you're good the way you are and so am I, disorder or not.